Hello Ducklings!
I hope everyone had a nice Lolita Day! What did you do? I went to my first lolita day meetup (I usually celebrate it alone at a local tea room) yesterday, and had quite an interesting time. You can see pictures of what I wore HERE if you’re interested.
Also, if you’re considering submitting a name suggestion for the mini-contest, please make sure you’ve done so by this Thursday, as I’ll be announcing the winner on Friday along with the review of The Fancy French event.
~*~
Lately I’ve been encountering a lot of ugliness, and I’ve been feeling kind of sad about it. I’ve watched a lolita walk up to another, whom she had never met before, and comment on how everyone constantly calls her ugly on various online forums. I’ve listened to girls that I used to admire bash lolitas who are tall, or fat, saying that they should magically shrink, instead of just altering a dress. I’ve had a lolita tell me that she automatically assumes the worst of every person she meets, and loves to laugh about being cruel to others online.
All of this, within one week.
I’ll be honest, I’m not sure what to do with it all. Lately I’ve been wondering how much the actual subculture is worth to me. Would I prefer to remain alone in my city, even though there are others who share my interest here? Is it worth it to try to change the way people think? I’ve been a part of my local community for several years now, and I’ve always loved the casual sense of community I’ve felt among our group. But many of those girls that I’ve built positive relationships with live in cities very far away, and some of the attitudes I’ve seen popping up close to home aren’t ones I want to associate with.
I’m left wondering how much of this is really a problem – it seems that very few people mind. Perhaps I’ve just had a bad week?
But what if these attitudes become a real issue? Is this something that I can make better? How much of it is something that my own negativity has helped to create?
I suppose today I’m just feeling puzzled, and I apologize that this post isn’t really useful to anyone but myself.
Yours,
Miss Rosie
That’s terrible to hear. >: I’m sorry that you’re feeling so down about it.
The best I can do is say, maybe you should try looking at it not from the point of view of a subculture, but just that of people you know? Clothes and views notwithstanding, they’re only people. And if you don’t like someone, you don’t have to socialise with her or him.
If there are people you love at meetups and in your community as well as people you’re not so fond of, you don’t have to be lovely to the ones you don’t like; mannerly, certainly, but they don’t need to be your friends. If there’s nobody you like, or very few, at meetups and other all-inclusive events, then it’s probably not worth going; you can always arrange with your friends to see them outside of a meetup setting or have a private meetup.
Don’t let them rain on your parade. Don’t get involved with the local drama or let them make fun of you. Rise above their level and carry on, because those who like to make others miserable are inevitably the ones who win when they spoil something for another person. Be the better one. <3
In the end, the important thing about Lolita is that it makes you feel beautiful. You do it for yourself because you love it, and while it's nice to be deeply involved with the subculture and other Lolis, surely it's not necessary to get bogged down in it if it stops you from enjoying the fashion you love? Your happiness is much more important.
I hope you work things out soon, and things get better for you.
In every group, especially those consisting of mainly females, this will be an issue. It is up to you to decide whether this is a situation you enjoy being in and if the few positive faces you encounter are worth the catty ones. If you continue to attend local meet ups you may be the one kind face a new loli encounters amongst the sharks.
The important thing is to choose whether your life if improved by associating with your local community or worsened and do whatever is best for yourself.
I am saddened because I know you are not alone in your feelings. In nearly every community there are those who are chased out by the cattiness of others. Others who then congratulate themselves on their own prowess and superiority.
Females are extremely competitive in their looks. It’s a natural reaction to other females. It’s just a base need to compete for males whether we realize it or not.
Having our looks rely on luxury items that allow us all to look like beautiful dolls is only going to make us want to be the best looking doll on the shelf.
Frankly, girls like that I ignore flagrantly. If they’re going to be diminutive to their community, they don’t deserve my time or my respect. Simple as that. The community is there to support one another as a group and these girls, as far as I’m concerned have no right to be there.
^^ I hope these girls learn in time that it’s not ok and eventually they’ll run out of steam while everyone else is having fun and helping one another out. I know we have no problem pointing out “problems” with others’ outfits but we also have no problem helping them find solutions and encouragement to better their “problem” spots which is the way it should be.
That’s horrid :( I can’t imagine people acting that way to each other in person. It’s kind of disgusting to me, because it means that they’ve allowed themselves to become so utterly brainwashed into thinking negativity is okay that they no longer have a differentiation between internet cattiness and real-life rudeness- People who once just thought of the people they talk about online as being just a computer screen are now thinking of their fellow lolitas as mannequins instead of people. No heart, no mind, no soul – just hollow, empty plastic wearing clothes that are similar to theirs. After reading this post, I kind of hate out subculture right now. :/
I’m very sorry you’ve had such experiences! :(
Perhaps you could talk to the person who runs your local group about the problem, they might be able to do something about it! I heard of a situation in my local group in which a regular attendee was making girls feel very uncomfortable (saying rude and unpleasant things to other girls, making innappropriate comments to minors etc.), and very often being downright awful even to her friends in the group. I believe she was banned from the community, and there’s a warning on the profile page about her now.
There are good and bad people in every group, but I’d be sad if you spend every loli day alone in a tea room. I hope you wouldn’t mind me sharing a pot of tea with you! <3
I’d love that. ^_^ <3
がんばってね！ Don’t let other people get you down. Remember that there are many others like you. The world is an awesome place filled with happiness and joy (well not all the time, but with a positive mind set, you will attract positive things to you. It’s true. Being positive has really attracted positive things to us over the years. You are beautiful and with your positive force field up, you’ll bounce all those others negativity right away. We’ll send you some love over the airwaves as well. :-)