Can you keep a secret?

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The images in my post today were all taken from the Lolita Secrets community on Live-Journal. In this community, girls are asked to post their lolita-related secrets though anonymous pictures like these. For the most part, the images posted on the site are harmless – comments about fashion trends, family opinions, or desiring friends are fairly common. But every week at least one picture like the one above appears declaring you too fat, too thin, too tall, to short, too dark, too light, too hairy, too ugly – and therefore YOU ARE NOT WELCOME IN LOLITA FASHION.

What is worse, however, is that almost every week there is a reply that looks something like this:

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These two images were posted exactly one week apart, in the order they are displayed here. And while both deal with weight, similar messages are posted each week dealing with other “flaws” that lolitas find in either themselves, or others.

In response to these messages, I would like to expose two secrets that seem to be very carefully kept  in the online lolita community.

Lolita Secret # 1 – Every negative message that is posted has an effect

You may believe that messages encouraging hate are harmless, and that no one takes them seriously. You may also think that if someone is hurt by them, that they should just grow up or get out, because everyone knows that the internet is not a place for those without a “thick skin.”

Today I would like to tell you that every time someone posts a comment about how they think that only thin, white, conventionally pretty girls should be allowed to wear lolita, it effects me. It is something that I take personally, that I internalize, and that I am hurt by, because I am not any of these things.  No matter how frequently I starve myself, how little I go into the sun, or what surgeries I may consider getting, I will never be any of these things.

And this is just what effects me, personally. The comments about how only girls who are chubby, or tall, or short, or blonde, or asian, or anything else should be allowed to wear lolita will have an effect on another girl, who is sensitive about one of these things instead.

Hatred, online or offline, can kill. After a lifetime of being called useless, unattractive, and worthless, how can you expect a person just ” grow up?” and not take these messages as truth?

Lolita Secret # 2 – No matter what anyone else says, you are worth it

When you look in the mirror, what are the first things that you notice? Do you think “man, I look totally rad, I can’t wait to go outside and face the world! ” Or, like many of us, do you think ” If only my chest was smaller and my legs longer, I’d be able to go out in lolita and meet my local community.”

If you are one of the people who sees themselves as “totally rad” you already know this secret. But, for those of you who haven’t heard, please stop condemning your nose, or your thighs, and listen for a moment.

You are beautiful. You are fantastic, and awesome, and one hundred percent worthy of wearing the clothing you want to wear (lolita or not) and worthy of doing the things that you are interested in doing.

The final image that I want to show you was taken from Lolita Secrets this morning. It is not as pretty as the ones that encourage self-hatred, or express self-doubt. It is plain, and simple, and even difficult to read.

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The person who made this did not try to influence your opinion by making their statement appealing to the eyes. They didn’t try to coerce you with pretty colours, or nice illustrations. They simply gave you the truth, as it is in real life.

Why should you try to change yourself for people who put so much effort into trying to make you feel badly about your body? Why should you try to please the person who wants to stop you from fulfilling your dreams? If you make them uncomforatble, that is an issue that they need to deal with- not you.

Live your life now, and remember that no matter what, you are beautiful, and you are worthy.

With love,

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3 Responses to Can you keep a secret?

  1. suitetwentytwo says:

    This is a great article, and I thank for the encouraging reminder! While I am far more confident then I used to be even a year ago, I still need to be reminded of my self worth every once in a while. I have a feeling your blog will become a favorite much like lolita charm has for me.

  2. Fortuna says:

    Thank you so much for this post!
    We often forget how beautyful we are
    I felt so awful today and then I found your blog and this article :)
    Thank you <3

  3. Maria Jose Cossio says:

    Girl, you are awesome.

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