On Buying Secondhand

First, I’d like to wish all of the American readers a Happy Thanksgiving!
I hope that you all go to bed with full bellies and fond memories tonight. :)

In the United States, the day after Thanksgiving is known as Black Friday. On this day, retailers across our nation slash prices in the hopes of clearing stock before the end of the Christmas season. Unfortunately for lolitas, on Black Friday our hobby will remain just as expensive as ever… Unless you know where to look.

While getting new clothing can be really nice, it is also wise to hunt through used clothing sales if you want to save some cash!
So today, I’m going to give you a few links to well priced second hand stores, so that you can celebrate discounts as well.

Auction Sites

While Ebay occasionally reveals some second hand lolita gems, if you really want page after page of results, it is best to check out Mbok and Yahoo Japan Auctions. I have purchased used dresses from these sites for as little as 2500yen, and when they arrived, they were as good as new! While browsing these sites, you’ll need to get a little bit creative with your search terms. For Yahoo Japan Auctions, typing in “Baby The Stars” or “Baby The” will yield far more results than the full brand name. And if you are looking for a specific piece, try looking up the name for it in Japanese. While you might find the dress you’re looking for by typing in “sugary carnival” you’re much more likely to find it if you type in シュガーリィカーニバル.

Unfortunately, most of the people who use these websites won’t ship overseas, so you’ll need to use a shopping service like Celga or Crescent Shop. I personally like to use Japamart for my yahoo japan auctions, because they allow you to bid in real time.

Resale Shops

In addition to auctions (which is honestly where you will find the absolute best deals) it is a good idea to occasionally pop into resale shops.

Closet Child – This is my absolute favorite in terms of second hand shops. Closet Child updates with new items twice a week, and they are constantly having sales. Their site automatically marks an item as sold out, so you don’t need to worry about ordering something that was already purchased months ago. In addition to this, and their great prices, Closet Child will also allow returning customers to reserve items for up to 30 days, which is great if you need a little extra time to save up for that special item.

Tokyo Alice - I have only ordered from Tokyo Alice once, but the experience was good. They shipped the item as soon as I paid, and it arrived very quickly, exactly as described on their site. They don’t update as often as closet child, and their selection isn’t as varied (they carry more punk or gothic items) but their prices can be great!

Alice+fururun – Of all the second hand shops, this one probably has the best prices I’ve seen. Unfortunately, their website is very difficult to navigate unless you have some knowledge of Japanese. I would also examine their photographs carefully, as the pricing seems to go hand in hand with the condition of the item.

Fairy Angel – I have to admit, sometimes I think that the prices for items on Fairy Angel are absurd. This store carries mostly sweet styles, and while the new layout is very nice, they don’t update their stock very frequently, and their prices can be extremely high. If you aren’t looking for Angelic Pretty, you might have some luck – their other brand items seem to be more fairly priced. Unfortunately, their system is not an automated one, so if you want to buy something that is listed in a later page, chances are, it has already been purchased.

Community Sales

The largest source for second hand goods in the west is undoubtedly the EGL_Comm_Sales on Livejournal. Unfortunately, there have been a lot of scams reported here lately, so if you find an item that you want, make sure you research the seller first. Don’t be afraid to ask questions – how a person replies can tell you a lot about their business practice. Occasionally you will find good deals here as well, and many girls are open to trades, or will allow you to make payments over time. However prices tend to be higher than those of the used shops in Japan, so if you’re really looking for a good deal, check those first.

This is not a complete list of all the second hand shops out there, only the ones that I have had personal experience with. If you would like to add your own experience, please let me know!

Happy Shopping,

November Challenge

In America, our Thanksgiving holiday is coming up in a few days. If you go into any store, Christmas has usurped the holiday season, but for this months challenge I’d like each of you to spend one day making a list of all the things that make you happy.

Victoria at Lolita Charm calls this a gratitude list. You can read her description here.

Essentially, no matter how large or small an items is, write it down on your list. It is easy to forget the things that make us happy when we are surrounded by negativity every day, and this can be a small reminder that things really aren’t so bad.

Try it!

Also, for those of you who decided to spoil yourself last month, let us all know how that turned out. : )

 

Yours,

The F-Word: Part 1

Warning: This post may be triggering for those with or who have recovered from eating disorders.

 

Would you rather die than be fat?

The question sounds absurd, but think about it.

Would you rather die than be fat?

Lately the lolita secrets community has seen the return of the Fat Shame Secret. If you follow the community you know that the secret comes in two forms. There is the ” You-Should-Be-Ashamed” Fat Shame Secret, and the “I-Am-Ashamed” Fat Shame Secret.

I’m not the least bit interested in addressing the first variety of secret, because that kind of nastiness is usually incurable.  However, the second strain of the Fat Shame Secret distresses me, because I understand that kind of self loathing all too well.

So I’ll ask you again, would you rather die than be fat? Would you rather diet, over-exercise, starve, vomit, or undergo a risky surgery, in order to be thin?

What would you give up? Your muscles and organs? Your teeth? Your social life? Your family and friends?

Your life?

Why?

Hello Ducklings!

Yesterday I felt a little bit down, and I found this quote. I thought that maybe some of you would like it. :)

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may become necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

- Miss Piggy

Of course, I don’t really want you to go around beating others up, but I just wanted to share. :)

Yours,

Boo!

Happy Halloween Everyone!

What are you guys planning on dressing up as? Anything lolita related? If you need any last second suggestions, head on over to Lolita Charm for this years list! she has quite a few. :)

I hope you guys have a nice time tonight. :) Remember to stay safe, and to have a lot of fun!

I could eat you up, I love you so.

Where The Wild Things Are (2009)

My father and I went to see the film Where the Wild Things Are this week. As a child, it was one of my favorite stories. We often read it at bedtime, and on special occasions we’d have our own wild rumpus and stay up late eating ice-cream, playing games, and getting into mischief as a five-year old and her father will.

The movie was better than I had imagined (though my opinion is tainted with nostalgia) and at times frightening in its honesty.  Max’s overwhelming fear of abandonment and inexhaustible feelings of rage are emotions to which every person can relate. The film deals with these themes beautifully, and I only wish that I could be so eloquent in my own discussion.

When I started this blog, a lolita wrote to me and asked if I would write an article talking about anger.  I’ve started writing one several times, but I always seem to get lost in the topic. For now though, I’d like to know your opinions on the subject.

How do you deal with anger? How do you cope, when you see it in others?

I look forward to your responses,

Trust me… I’ve done this before.

Note: This post might be triggering.

Today, I want to talk a little bit about the way that women are raised in western society. The nature of this post causes me to rely on generalizations – I do not mean to say that all women have eating disorders (though a majority of western women do have a distorted relationship with food), that all of them are submissive, have been assaulted, and that none have careers. I’m also not accusing all men of being a horrible scourge. This essay is meant to comment more on the expectations placed on western women – and to encourage discussion.

Unfortunately, those of you who normally come here to read things that are directly related to lolita might end up being disappointed by this essay, but I feel that because lolita is a fashion made up mostly of women, that this kind of discussion is appropriate.

***

When I was a little girl, my father used to tell me to never trust anyone who says “trust me.”

I’ve found that usually this advice is spot on.

However, as women who live in western society, we are taught not to trust our selves. We are taught to ignore our bodies, to ignore our passions, and ignore our instincts for the sake of others.

We do not eat when we are hungry, and we ignore cravings for certain foods because our body is not to be trusted. If we listen to it’s desires, we will become fat, and slothful. We exercise ourselves to the point of injury and exhaustion, seeking a “perfect” figure. If we become pregnant, we hide our bellies in flowing, over feminized gowns in an attempt to hold onto our sexuality – when pregnancy is one of the ultimate signs of being female. And once a child is born, we are back to denying our hungers (even though we feed children using our own bodies) and over exertion in the hopes that we can return to our old figures – despite the fact that the changes our bodies went through are natural.

We ignore our passions for our families, we raise our children instead of pursue our own dreams. We are criticized as bad mothers if we consider childcare,  or if our careers take precedence over our husband’s. If we fall in love with a woman we are considered immoral, and if we do not subject ourselves to the humiliation and objectification of all male desires, we are cast aside as useless bitches.

With this last bit comes danger – when we encounter men who become too friendly, we are taught to ignore our instincts, or worse, to flirt back instead of walking away. We are taught to do this because our femininity is called into question if we turn a man away. We  might not be thought of as sexy, or beautiful, and for a woman in western society, these are the most desirable characteristics, are they not? In America, our most celebrated women are movie stars, and singers – women who have been deemed attractive above all else – regardless of their actual talent.

And so we don’t say no when he starts flirting , even though it makes us uncomfortable (and if we do, but he persists, we might let is slide), or when he offers us a few drinks, or when he asks us on that date next Tuesday. Even though we really would like to say no, but, well, we don’t want to hurt his feelings, or we don’t want people to think we’re a superficial ice-queen-bitch.

But then, when his advances become physical, and then you do say no – it isn’t taken seriously. After all, would you have flirted with him, taken the drinks, or gone on the date if you weren’t interested?

And, if you are raped, suddenly you are put on trial. Why didn’t you say no earlier, if you didn’t like him? Why did you go to that place, dressed the way you did? Why didn’t you trust your instincts? You must be crying wolf right now, you really were interested, and you really did want him, right?

No.

We behave this way because we are raised to be submissive, and to let other peoples perceptions of us guide our behavior. If we don’t deny hungers, we might get fat, and then we’ll be unattractive. If we don’t get breast implants we might not find a man. If we choose to pursue a career, we aren’t good mothers, and if we fall in love with another woman, we aren’t a good human beings. And worst of all, if we trust our instincts, we’ll be an uppity bitch – the ultimate symbol of the unfeminine.

I am not speaking for the women who have been assaulted, or who suffer from eating disorders, or for the mothers who never had a chance to finish school. I can’t. They have to speak for themselves.

Instead, I am writing this for all of the lolitas who have disordered relationships with food, for the lolitas who have distorted images of their bodies, for those who are too scared to wear the clothing that they love because their families, friends, or significant others disapprove. These are the things that I understand, and I can talk about. And, I’m writing this for those who don’t have to deal with any of these problems – because chances are, you too are affected, in some other way. So please, listen.

The next time that your body, or your mind says “trust me…” don’t ignore it. Have the confidence to believe in yourself, and to protect yourself.  It isn’t worth losing your identity in order to fit someone else’s vision.

Yours,

October Challenge

For September, my goal was to start sewing more often. I’ve always wanted to make a baby doll jumper skirt (they are my favorite) and here is the result. (It fits me much better than my tiny mannequin)

Today is the first day of October, and this month is most well known in the United States for Halloween. Children will soon be dressing up as their favorite cartoon characters, and all of the older ladies will be slinking around in costumes that would make their mothers blush. We, as lolitas, often scoff at such outfits – but perhaps we should learn to be as confident in our bodies.

This month, I would like to challenge you to take at least one day to make yourself feel stunning. Take some time to spoil yourself, and to remember just how amazing and beautiful your body is. Stop reciting cruel words when you look in the mirror, and instead, use the moment to smile.

Yours,

September Challenge – What did you do?

Good Morning Ducklings!

Today is the very last day of September, and I am scrambling to finish up my project for this month. :)

Before I post my results, I’d like to hear what you all did! So, Please, let me know through the comments, or go ahead and send an E-mail to TheUglyDucky@Live.com.

I can’t wait to hear from you!

Yours,

I Am Not A Japanese Size 9: Part One – Adding Shirring to a Pleated Jumper Skirt or Dress.

Today’s tutorial is going to teach you how to add an extra panel of fabric to the back of a jumper skirt or dress that has a pleated waist. I am NOT a professional seamstress, and I highly recommend using one if you are uncomfortable doing this. I also do not recommend undoing more than two pleats (which will usually add about two inches to the waist) because the back of your dress will look very flat.

If you are more than an inch and a half larger than the recommended measurements of your dress, you are going to need to attempt a different alteration. Letting out a few pleats should add about an inch to two inches without ruining the silhouette – but if you need more space for ease, consider adding a bustle, a front panel, or reconstructing the bust instead (I will talk about these things later.)

Also, about halfway through this tutorial, I decided not to use shirring in my dress. However, I know that some of you were looking forward to that, so I decided to make a mock shirring panel quickly, for you to see in reference. I use a plain panel in the last few photos, so if you are using one with shirring, don’t feel confused. You’re going to do the exact same thing.

Finally, if you don’t know how to sew, learn before attempting this. Make sure that you have a quiet place to sew, and don’t rush yourself. Don’t take shortcuts, and make sure to pin and iron every seam before stitching. The extra work will be worth it, and your garment will thank you for your trouble.